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Subject: Aircraft Maintenance. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots to maintenance engineers. After attending to the complaints prior to the aircraft's next flight, the maintenance crews are required to log the details of action taken.
(P) is the problem submitted by the pilots.
(S) is the solution and action taken by maintenance engineers.
P - Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S - Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P - Test flight OK except auto-land very rough.
S - Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P - #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S - #2 propeller seepage normal. #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.
P - Something loose in cockpit.
S - Something tightened in cockpit.
P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S - Evidence removed.
P - DME volume unbelievably loud.
S - Volume set to more believable level.
P - Dead bugs on windshield.
S - Live bugs on back-order.
P - Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P - IFF inoperative.
S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S - That's what they're there for.
P - Number three engine missing.
S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P - Aircraft handles funny.
S - Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious.
P - Target Radar hums.
S - Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.